I suspect my frustration sometimes manifests as irritation or impatience in response to unrelated, relatively minor matters. Anonymous, 36, Australia My partner and I have been together for eight years. One of his male friends told me that he has never met someone so asexual. It would be difficult to say no if someone I find attractive offered sex. Yet I married him because I love him and so I take responsibility for my decision.
We were in our mids when we met, and we are an attractive couple, but she believes that sex should just be for reproductive purposes. While it lasted it was wonderful and fulfilling to be valued and desired again. Our love life tapered off a while before that, with him rejecting me a number of times, until we both just stopped even trying. One day if the right person comes along, my children have left home, I might. Matt, 25, Canada I have sex with my wife 10 times a year or less. This year it was once. We get on very well. Over the years I have begged, cajoled, threatened, shouted, cried and done everything to make him aware of how I feel. And I am grateful because some husbands verbally and physically abuse their wives or neglect them and their children. At the beginning of a relationship, sex can be so easy, natural and exciting that it can feel a little sad that you might have to work at it, but the results can be well worth it. I have suggested relationship counselling, but my partner does not believe it will help — she insists the problem is with her self-esteem and body image, not our relationship. Oral sex was almost non-existent and resentment began to set in. The addition of children and the pressure that introduced was another nail in the coffin of our sex life. There is now no intimacy. We get on well and enjoy our time together but there is no intimacy. So yes, I am in a sexless marriage. One of his male friends told me that he has never met someone so asexual. I will never forgive him for it. Even in the three years before we got married 15 years ago, I realised that we had different sex drives. I know that sex is one of, if not the most important factors in a marriage. I have sex with my wife 10 times a year or less. Here six people talk about what happens when passion leaves a relationship. I am sad, angry and disappointed. I have spent hours agonising about him. My early efforts to initiate sex were unsuccessful; if anything, they made things worse, as I invariably felt rejected.
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